Mic-Check
Foamy: I love gaming online. It's a fun, interactive experience that brings together people from all corners of the globe to participate in competitive recreational entertainment. However, there's a handful of dick toasters who have no concept of how to work their simple gaming consoles! It all starts with the mic. No matter what game I'm playing, there's always some CLOWN who's like: "Yo. Anybody got a mic? Anybody got a mic? A- Hey-- Anyone got a mic? C-C-Can you hear me? A-A-Anyone got a mic? Hey. Yo. Anybody got a mic?" This will go on for about five minutes, before some other vaginal deep frier turns on their mic blasts everyone's ear hole with their hundred decibel verbal assault! "WE ALL HAVE MICS! SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DICK! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU!! SHUT UP!!!" Now... Now you have a perpetual ringing in your ears loud enough to drown out the frag grenades in your game, and you're seriously considering suing this fucking ass muffin for blowing out your subwoofer! Now thanks to Mr. Eardrumaholocaust and M.C. Escalot, all your fellow gamers have ditched the lobby in order to find gamers elsewhere. And unfortunately for you, the game has already started. So now, you're running around the battlefield with two other teammates who just started a lifelong hatred of each other. That's gonna be great! As the game drags on, you notice your team slowly gaining additional players, all of whom have no idea, that their mics have been left on! "Dad? Dad?" "What?" "I-I want chocolate milk." "Okay, after this game." "Dad? Dad? Da-- I want chocolate milk." "In a little while, hold on." "I-I-I want chocolate milk." "Well go to your room, man! Go to your room!" Then all of a sudden, a blaring tantrum of childhood bullshit claims the airwaves, throwing everyone off their game, and causing people to die off left and right! All because some slackass stay at home "DAD" couldn't get their kid some fucking chocolate milk! Of course, all this could have been avoided if Douchey McDeadbeat and everyone else had their fucking mic on mute! Check your goddamn settings, assholes! If I have to sit through another background family dinner with Anti-Social Jimmy being yelled at by his bitch bucket of a mother because he's been playing games all day, I'm gonna smash a chainsaw against the back of someone's skull!! Turn off your mic unless you have something important to say! And you know what? Being a trash talking troll doesn't count as important. And I don't care if you're a "major league gamer!" Just because you can play a game really well, that doesn't give you a free pass to be a pile of dicks! Stop that! Your career will be over before you know it, and you'll just be another out of work deadbeat "baby fadah" wishing his own kid could get his own fucking chocolate milk! And then people wonder why I stick with single campaign... (The ending screen) Foamy: (singing) Turn off your mic if your mic is not muted, you're being a dick to everyone in your game, no one wants to hear about your chocolate milk, family dinner, or how you have to talk your dog cause it's barking all day, "bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark..." KILL THE DOG! Or take it for a walk, I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna hear you crunching on chips or eating a sandwich or drinking a soda or talking to your cat! No one wants to hear cutesy baby sounds so TURN OFF YOUR MIC! Turn off your mic!